Audition

You see—

I don’t really play the violin—

I just pretend

And how well

I deceive them

depends

on how many days

before music camp

I can

force myself

to start practicing

unguided

unassisted

I am angry

that I live in a

podunk kind of town

where . . .

STOP!

I tell myself firmly.

The judges won’t care

where I live

or how many violin teachers

there AREN’T

just how well I

hold up

under pressure

and

a bit of scrutiny.

So what are my strengths?

against my weaknesses,

that is—

     1. I’m a damn good sight-reader.

     2. I have a good ear.

3. I fake well.

     4. I smile at the judges.

Now my weaknesses

too numerous to mention—

start with

1. I have no technique (as my mother will quickly tell you.)

2. my violin only cost $25.

Number 2 is a joke, sort of, which I’ll explain later.

3. violin parts in symphonies will always be easier to play on the piano

4. this is not allowed.

So why do I do this?

I’m not sure.

Only

there is something about

the violin

that draws me

and draws me

and keeps drawing me back

after

long periods of abstention

To give my mom credit—

she did offer me

a stint

of lessons at home

but it never worked

(and that’s a story to tell later, too)

the only other violin teacher

in town

smokes like a pothouse

and

my sensitive nose

just couldn’t have stood it.

So here I am

again

walking into this room

not really knowing

who I am

or what I want

Only

that this

ORDEAL

should be over

in

about

five minutes

Okay . . .

(breathe in deep)

smile!

©copyright, Elaine C. Koontz, August 2012